Wednesday 9 January 2013

haiku


Winter mid-night
dream discovers in heart  loneliness






Desires
-------
 She want to live peacefully,
She want to create a dream world,
She want to touch the rainbow
and spread her wing of love in whole world.
He want money and sex,
He want to live for one day,
He want to kill the emotion
and create a different world
where he is the king.
The riddle of life
never solved,
touches end
and vanishes like water bubble.

by sarojini pattayat.01/05/2013
Andy Ruffett Sorjini: I'm not sure if this was deliberate or not but I think you meant to write:

She want to live peacefully,
She wantS to create a dream world,
She wantS to touch the rainbow
and spread her wing of love in THE whole world.
He wantS money and sex,
He wantS to live for one day,
He wantS to kill the emotion
and create a different world
where he is the king.
The riddle of life
never solved,
touches end
and vanishes like A water bubble.

But on the poem itself, it's quite powerful. She wants this and he wants that, but clearly his wants are wrong. He is a controller not a giver. Clearly the is more dominating and the fact that the she has very few lines shows this. Even poem itself seems to be trying to take over her as the lines of the he just over lap on top of each other like a mound of dirt. Well done.

Gratitude

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